Posted by & filed under Entertainment, Home Featured.

Celebrity boxing promoter Damon Feldman has recently offered Chris Brown and Wheelchair Jimmy from Degrassi 1 million dollars a piece to have fisticuffs in the boxing ring. While the world clamors to see Chris Brown get punched (except for a few, horribly misguided fans who populate twitter and call themselves Team Breezy and rationalize Chris Brown’s tendency to beat up Caribbean women.) However, it is unlikely that Jimmy from Degrassi is the one to do it.

That is not an insult to Drake– Degrassi is a great show and should be an essential part of anyone’s growing up– more power to Jimmy for making it big. With so many obstacles in his way, like stairs, making it big in the rap game is a real accomplishment.  However, here are the top 4 Reasons the Chris Brown/ Drake Fight will never happen.

4. Brand Management

Both of these guys, strangely enough, have millions of dollars in brand management to worry about. They have to at least try to look badass. Getting in fights at clubs is good for that, whilst getting your ass beat in the boxing ring by wheelchair Jimmy or the guy from the Doublemint commercial. It would be hard to take either seriously after that point. They would have a hard time re-establishing themselves, it will never happen.

3. Drake is Male

It just does not match Chris Brown’s motif! Chris Brown loves beating women! Drake is a man! It’s nonsense!

2. A million dollars is nothing to them.

A million dollars is a large sum of money to basically everyone. Drake and Brown would both like to have a million extra dollars for 15 minutes of work, but not at the expense of possibly being embarrassed on TV. A quick Google search indicates Drake is worth 16 million dollars and Chris Brown worth 22 million. A million here, a million there is not all that important to them. Drake could probably just hit up Lil’ Wayne if he really needed an extra million, for eyebrow waxing or a hoveround or whatever. Chris Brown could probably just hit his girlfriend.

1. The Rocky Principle

Boxing is never done. Right after a match, a rematch is always being put together or clamored for. It’s why Rocky could not just lose in the first movie, he had to keep going. It’s why Manny Pacquiao already wants a rematch with Timothy Bradley. There can never be just one, they have to keep going. So unless they plan on rewarding Rihanna as a prize, which is highly doubtful because then who will sing about S&M? Also, she probably does not want to be offered as a reward, what with that being degrading and all. So, sadly, we will likely never see this fight or even Rihanna as a ring girl. Instead of a ring girl, she will just have to be our generation’s Cleopatra, with the body that launched a thousand bottles.

Please activate some Widgets.